Lusty Guff

I finally gave in and embraced my inner geek today and saw Transformers 2 - oh dear.

It's a overblown and hormonal crude cauldron of nonsensical lusty guff. The plot was flimsy, the film was at least an hour too long, the action scenes were tiresome and all too frequent.

Megan Fox is an airbrushed filth bucket who was only cast because she has been heavily marketed by the film industry and tabloid press to frequent the inner squelchy desires of every sex starved teenage boys underpants. Every scene based around her was shot as if it was a semi pornographic hip hop video and the moronic ill conceived parents worked in the first one - they were a embarrassing and awkward inclusion in the second - especially the warbling mother.

The awful redneck robots were crap, as were the Dick Cheney inspired Washington interfering official and the Jack Sparrow Blackbird.

The only saving graces were the little robot that became Miss spunk breath's pet and John Turturro - whose character was rightly resurrected.

If it was an hour shorter I would have been mildly content, however, I came out of the cinema feeling like I had been trapped in lift with a group of loud obnoxious American teenage boys - with half of the group playing on their Sony PSP's on full volume only pausing to guffaw at a knob joke and the other half furiously masturbating in corner.

Tis was pap!

I know it's not aimed at a cynical 26-year old but still, I grew up loving Transformers, I have the pictures of me in Optimus Prime pjammas aged seven to prove it but that film was just Hollywood stretching the script to hit every key marketing demographic to rake in the cash.