Pills and poo

Imagine the scenario, you have gone to a club night where you have unwisely taken a few pills, drank lots of Jagermeister and generally danced like a loon.

You wake up feeling terrible to find yourself in a unfamiliar bed, with a unattractive snorer and worse of all, you really need to use the toilet.

You slip out of the sheets and quietly waddle around trying to find a place to get sweet relief.

After 15 very confusing and troublesome minutes, yes 15, you find the toilet. The bathroom is pitch black. You decide not to waste time finding the light switch before nestling down for an emergency bowel movement. You let rip - in the dark, you feel good, the panic recedes.

However, it peaks again when you reach around to where the toilet roll should be and there is nothing.

You hear a bang from the other room, whatever you shared the bed with is awaking from their slumber and you want to get out now. You scratch around frantically, but again, you cannot find the roll.

So what do you do?

If the answer is wipe your bum with your socks, then you would get on well with my mate.